Ever feel like a failure or an impostor? I have felt like both for a long time, and am trying to be kinder to myself (speaking of, stay tuned to next Monday for the revival of my podcast, and explanation for its hiatus – hint – it involves being kind to myself!), as well as more authentic with my audience! I hope you enjoy this re-examination of feeling like an impostor, and looking at where failure ends and hustle begins!
I wrote a long time ago, when I did Anne Fulenwilder’s makeup, about the whole impostor syndrome situation. It’s time to revisit it, and see if I can’t figure out where failure ends and hustle begins!
If you’re an “I love to watch videos” person, here is the facebook live I did today:
In the video, I mention a book – the Firestarter Sessions, by Danielle Laporte*. Here’s the link in case you want it! And while we’re at it, she is giving away her book Desire Map, as a bundle, at this link here, in case you want to check that out first! I ordered a Desire Map Planner, and am excited to check it out!
I digress…
For those who prefer reading over watching…
My podcast, which I adore, is about making Bold Moves… And one of those themes often involves quitting a day job to go out on your own.
I have felt like I was an impostor, because not only have I not made the bold move of being completely authentic with my audience and sharing, but also because I felt like I was an impostor because I have a day job (or as Danielle Laporte calls them in the above book (which I used as the title for my video – a “ho job,”). Here’s Anne Fulenwilder and I, right around when I last blogged about this impostor situation:
For years (literally two years, since I went from random hours here & there to sometimes even exceeding 30 hours doing this), I felt like a faker because I was showing myself online as a successful entrepreneur (and see- even my terminology there is judgmental!) sans side job, when in fact I have this secret, non-glamorous job. Here’s a picture of Tommy modeling (unofficially per my request) for this non-glamorous job and making it look WAY more glamorous!
I started doing demos on the side for KeVita, a kombucha/sparkling probiotic company… It is because I LOVED the product, and loved educating other people about how to heal their guts! It was perfect, because it was a combination of two of my passions – helping people by teaching them, and health/nutrition! Things went WELL with this, so when I was offered the opportunity to continue, and still keep the freedom of being able to keep my own schedule (and take last-minute shoots when they happened), I had to jump at the opportunity!
Why is that a bad thing? Why did I feel like I needed to hide that from friends and my online fam for so long?
I felt like a failure – like this was a sign that I couldn’t hack it as an entrepreneur. I lived in Silicon Valley, the most expensive part of the United States, and had to start over with clients. In fact, one of my agents didn’t write down that I was moving, and thought I still lived in Milwaukee for MONTHS after I moved to Northern California and could have been getting jobs!
Now, not only have I moved again to LA and am sort of starting over here (though I came down here for jobs & to visit friends reasonably often before we moved from NorCal), but I got married (those things aren’t inexpensive, nor are moving expenses), and
even without those things – is having a side day job really that bad of a situation?
Additionally, if I am going to encourage people to make bold moves outside of their comfort zones on my podcast, how is it fair for me to hide in mine and keep this dirty little secret of a job that I felt ashamed of, but shouldn’t? 🤔
I am retraining my brain to see this job as a success – as a sign of hustle, as a sign of determination to get done what needs to be done, as a sign that I will do whatever it takes to stick to my dream of…. basically exactly what I am already doing now, just helping more people, and with the ability to be more selective on what makeup clients I take – which means I need to make more money! This is my commitment to be more authentic – just in case there is someone else who feels the same way! You’ll see more of that on my instagram and facebook page (shameless, unapologetically authentic plugs). 😜
Now it’s time to celebrate where failure ends and hustle begins! I may not get all of my income from makeup artistry, modeling, and blogging (and podcasting actually COSTS me money), but I’m committed growing those areas of my career without giving up!
Also, while I’m at it & baring my soul, here’s my accountability for week one of my 2018 goal-tracking!
I have been really loving the 42goals site for tracking! If you don’t know what I am talking about, check out this post!
Ok, well, I hope you enjoyed (and perhaps related to, though I don’t wish negative feelings upon you!) my exploration of feeling like an impostor once again, and where failure ends and hustle begins! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that I’ve shared this with you!
When was the last time you needed to retrain your brain to stop beating yourself up? Do you have a “ho job?” What part of your story do you need to stop judging yourself for, that you should be proud of instead? Comment below!
xoxo,
Mandie
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